Divorce can be a difficult process to go through, especially when there are children involved. However, before you get to the process of divorce, you have to talk it over with your spouse, but that is, if you and your spouse are even on speaking terms. If in case your spouse is amenable to getting a divorce, here are a few tips that will guide you through the initial process of discussing the separation.
Don’ts
Avoid the blame game.
One of the things that will ruin the discussion is blaming each other for the demise of your relationship. It happened; accept it. Otherwise, sort things out and forgive each other if you don’t want to end your marriage. However, if both you and your spouse have already decided on it, you might as well go through with it with dignity and respect.
Don’t rush it.
Heavy decisions, such as divorce is a serious matter with implications that will definitely affect not just the married couple’s lives but the lives of those around them. Take time to think things over. When you are the one who’s at fault and would want to move on immediately with your life, it can be easy to make rash decisions and put an offer just to finish the process.
Also, if you are the aggrieved party, it can also be tempting to demand certain things and control the situation knowing that you can get away with what you want by pointing out the fault of your spouse. If you have already decided for it, do not rush the process. It will help you arrive at sound decisions while protecting the best interest of yourselves and of your children if you will take things at their proper pace.
Don’t play the victim.
Being too emotional will not help in such a situation. Your spouse may be at fault, but you are not the only one who’s involved in the relationship and certainly, you are not the only one hurting. You may have children or family members who are also hurting for the end of your marriage, and it will hurt them more to see you wallowing in pain. It may sound easier said than done, but get a grip and instead of playing the victim, be the hero of your story. You will also gain more respect for it.
Do’s
Prepare for the discussion.
Before you talk about divorce with your spouse, you have to prepare yourself since the discussion can be emotional, bitter, and painful. First up, you need to be calm. Organize your thoughts. You can even note down the things or topics that you want to discuss with your spouse. Talk with your spouse with a clear mind. Sometimes, when we are too emotional, we forget to bring up the important matters because we are already clouded with anger, frustration and confusion.
Set your priorities.
Right at the onset of the discussion, you and your spouse should agree on certain things and determine what your priorities are. If you have children, it is given that they are your priority and they should be a major consideration during the discussion. For instance, talk about child custody, visitation rights and arrangements, alimony, and other related issues. If you have conjugal properties, discuss what your arrangements will be and how you will settle the matter.
Be reasonable.
If your spouse was at fault, it can be easy for you to demand a lot of things just to get even in whatever ways you can. However, demanding beyond what your spouse can commit will only lead to frustration, especially on matters of child support and visitation rights. No matter how angry or hurt you may be, make it a point to still consider your spouse to avoid hurting your children and also to avoid frustrations from unmet expectations.
Get a lawyer.
One of the best ways to settle the matter is to hire a lawyer with expertise on divorce and family matters. The legal expert will help settle issues on child custody, financial matters, and properties. Having a lawyer will also professionalize the process, and your lawyer may even appear during the discussions on your behalf. This will make the process less stressful, less painful, and more sensible.
