When all the legal battles have ended and the talks and messages of support from your friends and loved ones have dissipated, it is at this point when you would stop and ask yourself, “what now?”
Moving on to a new chapter in your life without the person that you were used to being beside you can be tough. It can also be scary to think about what lies ahead in the future on your own. However, it can also be exciting if you think about doing the things that you have always wanted to do but could not due to marital considerations.
To help you in threading through life immediately after a divorce, take a look at the ideas below.
What Not to Do
Take revenge.
When everything is said and done and everything has gone quiet, you might think it is the best time for you to take revenge and get back to your spouse in ways that you know how. However, it would be like opening a can of worms and getting into another headache when everything has already been settled. If you want to start a new life, look ahead and never ever look back, unless you want to see how far you have become.
Use your children against your spouse.
Using your children to hurt your spouse can be easy especially if you have full custody of your children. But one thing you must remember is that doing so will not only hurt your former spouse, you will also damage your children’s emotional, mental, and psychological state.
Never force your children to take sides as it constitutes mental and emotional abuse. Instead, harbor positive feelings with your children and encourage maintaining regular communication and connection with the other party to lessen the impact of your former spouse’s absence in the lives of your children.
Engage in another relationship immediately.
Find time to assess if you are already ready to engage in a new relationship. If you are in it just to show your ex that you are doing well and you have already moved on, you are definitely doing it the wrong way and eventually, it will reveal its negative effect on you and on your new partner.
What to Do
Allow yourself to heal.
Divorce and separation are two painful processes. Allow yourself to feel the pain, learn lessons from it, and eventually heal. Take time to mourn but do not wallow. The healing process differs from one person to another and the time required to say that you are ready also differs. While it may take time, be sure that you are also doing something to help yourself bounce back from the experience.
Reinvent yourself.
There are many ways to reinvent yourself after a painful or even traumatic phase in your life. You can get a haircut, engage in a new hobby, meet new people, or spend more time with your colleagues during lunch break or Friday nights. No matter what you do, do it to improve yourself and to take some steps to total healing.
You might also want to move into a new place. It is proven to be psychologically helpful to move away from the space that was largely associated with past experiences. Getting a new house or place means meeting new neighbors and having a different environment, and this can be refreshing for you and it may offer a fresh start in life.
Get ready for the future.
You cannot be ready for the future if you are still harboring the old you. In other words, try to move on from the past, stop stalking your ex’s social media accounts, heal and be ready to engage with a new relationship but only do so after you can safely say that you are healed.
Forgive
Lastly, after the divorce, try to forgive yourself and your former spouse no matter how hard it can be. It will be your first step towards moving on and getting a new life. You have to forgive yourself for everything that happened. Acknowledge your share of mistakes and misgivings and forgive your ex as well for whatever he or she has done. When you are able to let go of the negative thoughts and emotions, you can finally start heading to a new chapter in your life, free from guilt and the shackles of the past.
