Nobody has it easy when it comes to children and divorce, but at one point or another, you have to make a decision whether to continue living in the past or work on co-parenting for your children. Below are some of the secrets to successful co-parenting with your former spouse.
Tip #1: Stop living in the past.
You cannot go anywhere if you are stuck in the past. You loved, things happened, it may have hurt you and your family, but there is no other way but to take the road forward. If you dwell in your past, you’ll get stuck there and you will re-live the pain that goes with it every single day. This pain and anger that you are keeping will emanate from you and will manifest in the way you handle matters with your former spouse.
Children and separation can be tough to handle during and after the divorce process, but you can always change your mindset and shift your perspective. Always anticipate the good things that can happen in the future if you let go of the past.
Tip #2: Cut the negative behaviour.
People who are angry and frustrated have the tendency to behave negatively. Those who were left behind can resort to hurting and embarrassing their former spouse in front of their children as a way of lashing back.
However, doing this would not only elicit anger from your children, it will also affect the way they look at you. They may even behave negatively thinking that if you can behave in such a bad manner, so can they. Take note that physical pain can heal eventually, but hurtful words stay in the mind for a very long time.
Tip #3: Explain the situation thoroughly.
You do not need a family law expert to tell your kids about your new living arrangements. Children need a simplified yet thorough explanation on why things have changed. When they have a full grasp of what’s happening, it will be easier for them to cooperate with the new rules and schedules.
If possible, talk to your children together. This will eliminate their doubts that the decision was one-sided. When explaining the divorce to your children, make it a point to emphasize that the divorce was not their fault and you still love them despite the changes.
Tip #4: Remain a good example.
Your kids love you and there is no need to compete with your ex for children’s loyalty and attention. Always keep your conversations in front of your kids civil and never blame each other or talk highly on how you were blameless for the disintegration of your marriage.
Do not speak in an authoritative tone as it will only ignite disagreements that can even lead for you to hire a family law expert for mediation. Stay humble and respect your former spouse before your children. It also teaches them how to treat their future partners later in life.
Tip #5: Be realistic with your expectations.
You cannot expect children and divorce to be a walk in the park, but you can always lower your expectations and be compassionate and understanding with your former spouse. For instance, if you have a high-paying job, do not expect your former spouse to give you a large amount of alimony.
You should not also expect your former spouse to be there all the time, even if it concerns your child. Your ex may have already found a new life and with it comes its own set of responsibilities. Learn how to compromise in order to provide the best for your children, whether it is time, attention, love, and presence.
Tip 6: Accept and move on.
One of the things that will make co-parenting work and iron out issues related to children and separation is acceptance. Accept the fact that things are no longer the same and it is time to move on. Part of acceptance is letting go of the memories, of the past, of your anger, and most especially with the person you shared all those wonderful years with.
You might want to move to a different house or reconnect with your old friends. You may also want to spend more time with your family and parents or engage in social activities to pass the time and also to help you forget about the pains of the past. In all of these, acceptance should be the first step to make co-parenting work and for you to finally get on with life after that painful stage.
