A divorce does not automatically mean all hate and pain will vanish along with your legal union. When you get divorced, the negative feelings you have toward your former partner may remain. You have reasons for such resentment, and your ex may feel the same toward you.

The problem is that your children are there, and they are placed in the middle of your conflict. Remember, they still have to follow a routine that requires your decision making. They still need your permission for their school activities, and they still need you to cook their lunch for school. In everything, despite your bitter relationship with your ex, you have to think of the best interests of your kids.

Custodial and Noncustodial Parenting

• There are many decisions that divorced parents have to focus on after a divorce, such as the right school for their children. These decisions are stated in the parenting plan in the divorce order. It often becomes a challenge for the custodial parent when dealing with minor decisions. Especially in bitter breakups, the custodial parent is sometimes questioned by the other.
• If you are the noncustodial parent, it may seem that minor decisions become major on your part. Since you spend less time with your child, you may feel that you have missed out on a lot of important events in the life of your child. Even the slightest change may give you the assumption that you are too far away.

Major and Minor Concerns

• You and your former spouse must have a mutual perspective when it comes to major and minor decisions. For instance, if you are the custodial parent and your son asks you to sign a field trip waiver, the noncustodial parent may not see it as a minor decision. Your child, in common sense, prioritizes you since you are present and convenient at the moment.
• To avoid conflict with your ex, it is important that you agree on him/her monitoring your child. It is not easy to maintain communication with kids when you are the noncustodial parent, but it is a must to try. Sending messages once in a while and checking in with them works well. This makes children feel that both of their parents are interested in what’s going on with their life.

Hurdles and Medical Decisions

• A lot of problems may occur if you want to hold a fundamental part during decisions that concern your child. If you have won custody, then you might feel empowered like many divorced parents with custody feel. The downside is that it may cause you to make decisions that your former spouse will not agree with. Keep in mind that it is important to be considerate of the feelings of your ex and your children, no matter how bitter the separation was.
• In many situations, this causes more conflict, especially when the decision is for the physical well-being of a child. A parent who holds the sole legal custody of a child can control the decisions over medical concerns without the agreement of the other parent. That’s why it is ideal to go for joint legal custody. It follows a set of guidelines that are created in the parenting plan. With this, both parents have to make decisions according to the guidelines so they can handle their child’s life with less conflict.

Communication

• When you make decisions for your children after divorce, it requires constant communication with your former spouse. And if you are doubtful about a decision, it is necessary to consult him or her. If you had a chaotic breakup and you still were not able to rebuild a clean friendship, then your ex will most probably want to hear from you only when you ask for their input on a major decision. That is better than sending them messages of hate and rage.
• For the sake of your children, you need to set aside your animosity. When it comes to decisions for your kids, whether small or crucial, both parents should know the value of communicating with each other. It is not only a way to reach mutual agreement and ask for consent, it also means you respect the truth that you are equally important in the life of your kids.