Children and divorce are two challenging things to handle. However, just like any other thing, they also have their share of wins and benefits. For some, divorce can mean freedom from an abusive relationship and peace of mind for the children. No matter what the circumstances are, for both parents, it is important to find balance and harmony between family life and your children’s best interest while keeping your emotions at bay.
The key to achieving balance and harmony among many other things that you need to consider is by creating a co-parenting plan that will work for you and your former spouse. Although children and separation are hard to deal with during such trying times, there are ways to minimize the impact and its emotional effects.
Tip #1: Discuss. Discuss. Discuss.
The first step towards creating a workable co-parenting plan is to discuss relevant matters with your former spouse in relation to your children. This can be achieved if you and your former partner ended amicably and have maintained civil relations with each other. However, this is quite rare, especially if the divorce was still fresh.
In case you and your former spouse are not on speaking terms, get the assistance of a family law expert to help you settle things with your ex. You might want to outline your proposals and have this sent to your ex and settled by your lawyer.
In the event that you and your former spouse can sit down and set arrangements related to your children, talk about how you are going to schedule visits and where your children will spend their weekends and holidays. Your children’s education and medical needs are also some of the important matters to be discussed.
Tip #2: Consider each other’s schedules.
Part of developing a working co-parenting plan is considering each other’s schedules. This is where effective communication comes in. If your former spouse works on a graveyard shift and cannot tend the kids during night time, you may have to do special arrangements wherein you can tend the kids at night and find a place to leave them as you work during the day.
The same goes for weekends or when your former spouse needs to work on a holiday and it was his or her schedule to take your children. For as long as the reason is understandable, give in to requests for the sake of your children.
Tip #3: Always be considerate.
When you are angry at your former partner, you can easily reject whatever requests or arrangements that you think are favourable to the other party. For instance, your former spouse got retrenched thus his or her inability to spend for your children’s needs. Because you are angry, you might lash out and pressure your former spouse to provide regardless of the situation.
Children and divorce require equal consideration no matter how hard it can be. And if you want to make co-parenting work for both of you and for your children, you have to give it some understanding, especially when the circumstances are unforeseen and beyond your former spouse’s control.
Tip #4: Consult each other.
By consulting your former spouse, you are impliedly showing that you still respect him or her as the parent of your children. No matter the disagreements, you need to agree on certain matters together for the welfare of your children. Deciding things on your own will not only insult your former spouse, it will also widen the gap which you may be trying to fill.
Consult your former spouse on matters concerning your children, such as whether or not they will transfer to a different school or which doctor should you take them to for their medical needs. Handling your children and separation may be tough, but it should not diminish your respect for your former spouse as the other party remains to be the parent of your children.
Tip #5: Work as a team.
Lastly, to make co-parenting work to your children’s advantage, you and your former spouse need to work as a team. This means being there for your children when the other cannot. Never badmouth your ex in front of your children, more so tell them the real reason why you two separated, especially when they are still young to understand and process everything. Instead, make it sound like it was a mutual decision to prevent your children from hating one or both of you.
If you want to achieve co-parenting with legal intervention, consult a family law practitioner for assistance.
