Rarely a separation or divorce happens without conflict and bitter exchange of hurtful words and accusations. It is not just harmful to both parties, it can also hurt your children and the people around you.

While it can be challenging, at least, be civil with your former spouse. Doing so would bring a harmonious relationship with your former spouse as your co-parent and it will also give you peace of mind and a sort of sense of normalcy to your children when they see their parents communicating properly.

There are different ways to manage conflicts after divorce or separation. Some of these include the following:

Mediation

Mediation is a structured process with an end goal of arriving at certain agreements between former spouses, especially on matters related to child custody or parenting time. A third party or impartial person is required to discuss disagreements between both parties, until a certain agreement is reached. The agreement can be reviewed by an attorney if both or any of the parties wish to. The agreement will be filed before the court and eventually, the agreement will become a court order. The following are types of mediation processes:

• Facilitative mediation. An impartial third person helps the former couple explore options to arrive at full agreements. The mediator does not make any decisions but only leads the conversation towards achieving a win-win solution for the two parties.
• Transformative mediation. The focus of transformative mediation is to respect and recognize each other’s ideas or perspective until both parties arrive at an agreement.
• Evaluative mediation. The mediator in this model usually has a professional background on divorce and disputes. The mediator offers ideas and options for the former couple to come up with an agreeable decision.
• Therapeutic mediation. The mediator helps process underlying issues that may be causing the disagreement.
• Strategic mediation. The strategy of the mediator is to solve practical problems with the former couple in order to arrive at a sound agreement.

Collaborative Divorce

Collaborative divorce involves a lawyer in order for the former couple to come up with an explicit, written contract that stipulates both parties’ agreements. Having a collaborative divorce process avoids expensive and stressful litigation before the court. In this process, both parties are represented by separate collaborative lawyers. However, in the event that the parties did not arrive at a sound decision, litigation attorneys will be hired to take the matter to court.

Parenting Coordination

Parenting coordination helps former couples resolve their disagreements, especially in relation to communication involving their children. The goal of a parenting coordinator is to assist parents to follow their parenting plan and ensure their compliance through monitoring. The parenting coordinator’s role is to help resolve issues involving the children in a timely manner and maintain a healthy and safe parent-child relationship. A parenting coordinator usually serves as a mediator who helps reduce conflicts between former spouses until they can already interrelate in a business-like manner.

Co-parenting Counselling

When former spouses struggle on communicating with each other after a divorce, one option is to hire a parenting coordinator who will help both parties agree on matters concerning their children, such as school activities, medical and dental needs, schedules and others. A parenting coordinator is a professional in mental health who is trained to help former couples improve their communication skills to prevent and resolve conflicts. In the process, the parents may also be able to resolve their anger or grief toward the other party and may start focusing on better parenting.

Takeaway Ideas

Divorce and separation can be a stressful and painful process. However, you don’t have to be enemies with your former spouse, especially that there are children involved. There are also several remedies to resolve your conflicts, whether you want it to be subtle or you want a full blown litigation involving lawyers and the court. No matter what your actions are, always take into consideration the impact of those actions on your children. Amid all the conflicts and disagreements following a separation or divorce, your child’s best interest should always be at the centre of everything. Consult a reputable family lawyer to help you on your steps and with your decisions. The presence of trained experts will help ease the burdens and difficulties brought about by divorce or separation.