Divorce and separation can be a distressing and painful event for a child. During this period when things are changing and too much is happening, it is important for your child to be assured constantly and for him or her not to feel isolated and neglected.

Some parents opt not to tell their kids the truth thinking that their kids are still too young to understand, not realizing that being kept in the dark only adds confusion to the child. Here are five reasons why you should make your child understand the idea behind divorce and separation.

To reduce the impact

Divorce and separation is a complex phase for a child to understand. If this confusion will not be processed, it could lead to anger, pent-up frustrations, apathy and isolation. Making your child understand in simple terms—why you and your spouse will be living in separate houses and why he or she has to stay with the other parent or with you but no longer with both parents—will somehow lessen the psychological and emotional impact to the child.

To do away with guilt feelings

When children do not understand why their parents are separating, it can be easy for them to blame themselves, especially when they witnessed bitter fights prior to the divorce.

Making your children understand that it is not their fault that you and your spouse are separating will lessen the thoughts that they need to entertain during their parents’ separation. Make it a point to emphasise that you and your spouse are separating not because you no longer want your children but because you and your spouse no longer agree on certain matters.

Children will have countless questions, but no matter how difficult it can be to explain to your kids, always underline the idea that it is and never will be their fault why you and your spouse are separating.

For gradual acceptance

If the child understands why you will no longer stay together with your spouse in one roof, he or she will slowly accept the major change in his or her life. It is unfair for the child to just wake up one day without knowing the reason the other parent is moving away. At least explain the reason in ways that’s suitable and comprehensible for the child’s age.

For faster coping and healing

When children understand the reasons you need to separate or divorce with your spouse, it will be easier for them to cope with the changes and hopefully heal faster in the long run. When they understand the idea behind divorce and separation—that they are not losing their parents but they will only be living apart and the parents both love them unconditionally—the children will learn to adapt to the new arrangements.

There will be less to zero resistance during parent visits, and the child will not feel rejected during the separation. Of course there are several other scenarios and some of them may be complicated. However, if your child understands what divorce and separation is, it will be easier for him or her to accept the idea that his or her parents are no longer together including the changes that come with it.

To make them stronger

When children understand the idea behind and the need for separation and divorce, it becomes easier for them to embrace the changes and answer questions by those around them. In the process, they are becoming desensitized, and it becomes less and less painful for them to discuss the matters to others.

A deeper understanding on the matter will make the kids grow stronger mentally and socially. If they understand that even though there may be new living arrangements, they are not losing any of their parents and that their parents love them, the children will not hide away from their peers. One thing that you have to make the children understand is that divorce and separation happens normally among adults when they no longer see things in the same way they did before.

No matter how complicated it can be, make it sound casual so for the child to think that it is not something unique and that he or she is not the only one going through the process. With calculated explanation, there is no reason your child will not understand the idea behind divorce and separation.